Got the big kid job

Dear Me,


I has now been like forever and a day since I last wrote to...well..myself.
I have landed myself a Big 4 Accounting job, and if I may toot my own horn got offers from all 3 that I interviewed with. Right. Right.
Sad thing is, no one but highly competitive, "type 1" personality, over achieving other accountants will care about that, if anyone cares at all, but whatever. My mom was proud.


I started work and it was what I was expecting and so much more. Overwhelming and Scary and Amazing all at the same time. I capitalized these feelings to emphasize them.


Now lets dig down into why each of these emotions came into play.





Overwhelming:
Once upon a time you were a super smart little student, getting A's without really trying and just chugging down the track of life. Family members would often comment on how "smart" you were and overall you were happy with your place in this world. Your competitive nature lay dormant because a lot of other students didn't often care about grades as much.


WHAM!!
Your now at a big 4 and everyone is as smart or smarter then you. Your place in this world has been ripped out from under you and at least once a day, especially in training you question "How did I get this gig?" and "Am I suppose to know stuff already...?".


People are competing all over the place! Its like battle of the nerds without rules and if your kind of passive about your brains aka. never raised your hand in class, it is insane. Suddenly you feel pressured to put your self out there and show everyone what you know which of course leads you to question wtf do I know...


Now you find yourself actually, really trying which leads us to the emotion of Scary.






Scary:
When trying to succeed for the first time since maybe learning to walk you are hit with this sudden realization that with "trying" comes the real chance of failure.


For people who don't fail that often --> Failure = Death


jk. jk. But seriously. Learning to pick yourself up and dust of the dirt from your first epic fail smack down is hard. It also does weird things to people.


One thing I noticed about people who can't accept failure is they seem to argue about pointless things. Like the quickest way to the bathroom. No lie. Its starts off with someone messing up on one question (which no one knows about except them), and now when you say you take this hallway to the little girls room, they have to point out that "that doesn't make any sense cause blah blah blah blah blah".


This conversation doesn't make sense... Why do you care about my path to the bathroom? Oh, its because your projecting your feelings of failure and now trying to make everyone else seem like they messed up so its not just you. I get it. Word.


I personally take failure in strides because failure builds character. I think that's a quote from someone, I'm not sure who. It also probably helps that I have had multiple failures but that is a conversation for another day. Don't get me wrong, I do not like it when I am unsuccessful but I take it as a "Hey now I know" and keep on keeping on. The more you know, the better prepared you are to never make the same mistake again.




This finally leads to the emotion of Amazing.






Amazing:
This career is amazing. Words can't even describe. Don't get me wrong, its hard but if you enjoy learning something new everyday it will rock your socks off. I am not just talking about book smarts when I say learning, I mean all aspects of education. From soft skills to technical skills to random skills. Its all here.


For someone like me who did not want to leave college because I actually want to know more about more this is possibly the dream gig. You do something new everyday.
And I want to know.
I want to know the whys and the how's.
I really like how good I am at "hot" keys lol.




After getting over the feelings of overwhelmed and scared you realize how great the people you meet are. Not just your teams on your clients, but people from your starting group, people that you meet at social events.
Everyone is different and smart and funny whether intentionally or not.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not besties with everyone, but half the fun of this job is learning how to work with them. Figuring out how to make them like me, or at least work with me successfully.




Its not lame here to want the how's and why's of things. Its not uncool to stay late and get something done because it isn't right yet.




This may be the hardest, best thing I have ever done up to this point in my life hence amazing.
I may have stumbled into this career but its working for me.

With the finish line in sight

Hello to myself

All the sweat and blood has finally paid off.

Well less blood... more like hours of practice interview questions and mock scenario's. I literally spent a whole week trying to eat each meal without getting food on myself.

Which FYI is really really hard.

This was all in preparation for my two day interview.

That's a total of three meals, not of course including snacks which you know ill eat.

Good news was that each meal came with a "soft" option that would require no knife. This means that when presented with steak and salmon... I didn't even try the awesome, probably crazy good but ill never know cut of beef.

But with that sacrifice cometh many rewards.

Well more like one reward. Specifically an offer of employment on the same day.

Oh glorious-ness! Its funny how a job offer can render me with the vocabulary of a 5th grader. If the offer was based on my communication skills, my future boss may have been rethinking their decision to can even called me at that point.

Since I said, and I quote, "This is so great!" around 20 times.

Ah the awesome-ness that is me.

On the plus side I made some new friends. My linkedin account picked up some new career connections. Whoop Whoop!

Whats even more cray is that after I got one offer, low and behold I received another. Whats that saying? When it rains it pours.

Now I am at the end of this stressful journey. I have my last second interview tomorrow. Then it is just decision time. I am sooo happy that I have offers and everything is almost done. My life almost mapped out for the next 3 to 5 years.

The decision part is going to be crazy but I only have until November 22nd so....

Here we go.

The Job Search

As one could guess from the title I am currently looking for employment. Hitting the pavement, searching the paper, well more like online job sites to be accurate.

It has been awhile since I last word vomited all over this site so I'll do an update. In the last 2 years I have learned the following about myself and my degree(s):

Finance is like gambling with other people money = Not for me, but still a Major
Accounting is more my speed, who would have thunk it = Added as a Major
I love programing languages, but my parents do not = Added I.S. as a Minor

Now I am about to graduate in a total of 7 weeks (dun dun dun) and I am trying to get a job. Out of the whole - graduate in fall 2013 process, it isn't the interviews that scare me.

No. Its the waiting for a response.

While waiting I analyze every answer I gave and berate myself on sharing to much or not sharing enough. It is stressing me out, which in turn is making it very difficult for me to study my last semester here at the old University.

Forget studying, I haven't gone out since school started. No drinking or dancing. No Anything! my friends may or may not be mad at me for ditching them, but I wouldn't know because I have been to busy to contact them.

Ahhh someone save my from myself. I have also been eating my feelings. Not to the point of ridiculousness but enough that I know I probably shouldn't  be eating this second, fine third doughnut, but crap I already did. Sprinkles just make me feel better. Judge not.

It doesn't help that one of the guys I interned with already got an offer from one of the Big Four accounting firms.

For anyone who doesn't know what those are, they are basically the highest, brightest stars you can shoot for as an accountant. They are every accounting students wet dream. Hey, other students fantasize about receiving offer letters not just me.

Everyone knows that the work will be beyond hard, but just getting one of those names on your resume makes it all worth it.

So long story short he has already received and accepted his position, sealing his fate in the universe as successful while  I struggle along from interview to interview. Gosh, I hope that a month from now I look back on this post and scoff because I too have joined the mighty graduates in the sky with job offers from good firms.

Someone pray for me.
Or better yet, give my resume to a manager or partner at an accounting firm.

I have to go back to studying/applying for jobs now.
Thank you blogger for making me feel better.

Jaime Out. 

Off Stage Life

Its been months.

The Internship came to an end like all good things do and I have been back at school trying to get my learn on and absorb about $5000.00 dollars worth of education this semester. Being an intern is like a 'My stage Personality' ie.Playing my Part.

Being back at school is freeing in some weird way. I image its how actors and actresses feel when they go to the grocery store, or 711.

Silly famous people. Pretending to be normal.

This school terms started off on the awesome-ness foot with an accounting boot camp, which is like a boot camp, but for your brain (once again, only for the cool kids). The goal was to raise the grade average for my accounting class and to give the students a refresher on accounting principals and terms.

They succeeded in scaring the crap out of me.

The whole camp was more of like a list of 'Things I Don't Know'.

Then they took a now scary class and made it even more ominous by stating 'statistics' about the classes pass and fail rates.

1. If you took basic financial and managerial account more then 2 years ago, you are more likely to fail.
   - I took it three years ago...
2. If you took either accounting class at a Junior College you are more likely to fail
   - I took them both at a JC...
3. If you received a C in either class you are more likely to fail.
   - Ahhha! I got a B (in one of them). Suck on that statistics! 

So,  that class looked like it was going to be a bumping good time. Not.
To counter act the lack of fun I would have in Accounting I also signed up for 'Music Appreciation' which I had heard was a fun, easy class. The key being easy.

The semester is now almost over and I have taken two tests in both classes.
Accounting Grades: 97 and 100 %
Music Grades: 85 and 81%

WTF.

Based on the two points I have for both classes it looks like I am improving in Accounting and  slowly failing in Music. Which is awesome.

Aside from those classes and one really crappy exam in Finance (which is my major and my lowest test grade at this college) the semesters been going good.

Flash to right now. My freshmen neighbors are throwing a house party again. You can tell they are freshmen by their lack of concern for others, over enthusiasm for drinking, and by the fact they are trying to look cool outside when it is less then 30 degrees.

 So dumb. 

I, on the other hand, am trying to not be that bitchy neighbor that tells them to keep it down at 11:00 PM. The fact that I want to tell them to shut the hell up and put some flipping clothes on makes me realize how flipping old I am.
It makes me mad at their stupidity and youth.
Fucking freshmen. God I'm Old.

On the inside, not the outside of course.

If I feel this withered on the inside I can't even imagine how my parents must feel. Being that old would suck.
Will suck.

I can feel my control on my temper slipping. Would it really be bad to yell at them? Sure its a Saturday night but they are so loud. I can hear their individual conversations for goodness sake which makes everything even worse because they are so dumb. Teen age site com dumb. Barbie doll dumb. Secret life of a teenager dumb.

I pray I never sounded like that.

But yeah, that's about what I have going on tonight. I'll be sure to write it I do go all crazy on them, but I doubt it. That would require me to get out from under my heating blanket.

Night.

Lunch n'Learn

So since I have been interning here there have been these Lunch n'Learn events for all of the interns to get togther, eat, talk and well..learn.
I have never gone.

Its not because I am anti-social though some people would argue otherwise, its just that I hate having to fake care about other people.
I dont really care where other people go to school, or want to be when they grow up.
I dont expect people to care these things about me.

Anyways, today was one of these little events and the nice HR lady who plans them all manages to find my cubical in this tetris disaster of a layout.

So the first thing she does, is give me a present.
Sure it is just a backpack with the company name on it, but immediatly I am more receptive to whatever your going to say if you give me something.

Plus, its a tight backpack.

She then asks if I have recieved the emails about the other lunch events, because I haven't responded or gone to any of them in the past month alone. All 7 events.
This of course, makes me feel like crap.
Even crappier, because she gave me this fricking gift.

At this point I'm caught off guard and basically end up muttering something along the lines of, "...been busy...not a people person...nervous...idunno..."

Obviously the more I talked, the worse it got.
So I stop talking.
She's not talking.
I'm not talking.

Were in the same cube.
Its awkward.

The silence is thankfully broken when she smiles and says that its "Ok" that I haven't gone. That there is "No Pressure" and to just do what I am "Comfortable" with. Oh, and that the next lunch event in is 15 minutes in the conferense room right down the hall way.

With that said, she smiles and leaves.

So now she knows I'm here, right down the hall and I have this backpack she gave me. ...

This is were one of the longest internal battles I have ever had begins.
Which goes something like this.

I brought my lunch today. I dont want to waste my bomb ass lunch.
They offered free food. What if I dont like their food.
I shouldn't eat twice. How fat is that?
What if I have to talk to people? God, I hate people?
What if no one talks and there is just silence. That's even worse.
What if people talk to each other, but no one talks to me. Talk about a freshmen year flash back.
Gosh should I go?!?
Then there is this stupid back pack.
...

Crap.
I grab my water thermus (which all the cool kids have) and make my way to this stupid Lunch n'Learn thing.

It itsn't until I get there and sit down that I realize, I really shouldn't have come.
Flipping backpack tipped the scales.

As I sit at the table while all the other interns slam down pizza I realize after a few moments, that I am the only non-engineering one there. I am also the only one grossed out by the educational video's of surgery.

Something about watching a tumor getting removed off a kidney takes away my appetite for pizza.
idunno why.

In the end, I am grossed out, didn't talk to anyone, and have to pee because I was trapped in the room for like an hour and a half.

Moral of this story.

Don't be swayed by gifts. Even ones as cool as a back pack.

Working the 9 to 5

So I am sitting here in my cubical, basically watching the minutes of my life slowly tick by, and I was hit with this desire to write something. That, or go completely crazy.
There is something seriously depressing about being in a cubical. Until you have a cube of your own, words cant really describe the experience. Now this could be an overreactions due to that fact that I am a highly dramatic person, or, just maybe, I am just not jaded to this experience and actually see it for what it is.

 A beige box of death.

All I can say is that there is totally a reason why people in the corporate world go a bit coo-coo. Starring at these three point five little half walls is all the reason those people probably need.

That and the constant hum of the printer.
How much can a person print. If I was a printer I would be exhausted. Exhausted and Hungry for fresh ink and new paper.

The positive side of this experience is that once you leave, everything else in life seems so much more vibrant. Traffic is more entertaining. Well, for me at least. But that's because I sing in the car while I drive. 

But then again, what do I know, I am an intern.  A degree-less paper pusher.  I get your coffee, organize and file your papers, do some mild manual labor, and so on and so forth.

I'd like to consider myself a behind the scenes kind of girl. Doing the little stuff that makes the big picture so amazing. Then again, I could be wrong.

There are a few things I don't understand about cubically living, First, why is it that people think cubes offer them some sort of privacy?
You only have half a wall enclosing you. Not to be negative, with like the glass is half empty or full, but literally half.
People can hear everything that you are saying no matter how quietly you try to whisper it.
I can hear you.
I am hearing you right now.

Do I want to know these personal details of your life, such as doctors results, child care issues, or food allergies? No, not really.

But here I am. Absorbing your personal information that I don't think you know you are sharing and not just with me.
With everyone in a four cube radius.

This leads to my next question.

Why do people, only a few cube apart, call each other?
Then the people who are in between the people on the phone literally hear the entire conversation. From when you pick up the phone to when you say goodbye.

This can be an extremely awkward position for everyone whose cube is in the crossfire, if it is a hostile call.  A hushed voice hostile call, is still a hostile call.

And since there is once again, only a half wall separating me and the cube next door, I can literally feel the hostility. Which is awesome.

I feel a bit better now, so I am going to go back to interning.
Good bye web based freedom.

I will see you again soon.