Lunch n'Learn

So since I have been interning here there have been these Lunch n'Learn events for all of the interns to get togther, eat, talk and well..learn.
I have never gone.

Its not because I am anti-social though some people would argue otherwise, its just that I hate having to fake care about other people.
I dont really care where other people go to school, or want to be when they grow up.
I dont expect people to care these things about me.

Anyways, today was one of these little events and the nice HR lady who plans them all manages to find my cubical in this tetris disaster of a layout.

So the first thing she does, is give me a present.
Sure it is just a backpack with the company name on it, but immediatly I am more receptive to whatever your going to say if you give me something.

Plus, its a tight backpack.

She then asks if I have recieved the emails about the other lunch events, because I haven't responded or gone to any of them in the past month alone. All 7 events.
This of course, makes me feel like crap.
Even crappier, because she gave me this fricking gift.

At this point I'm caught off guard and basically end up muttering something along the lines of, "...been busy...not a people person...nervous...idunno..."

Obviously the more I talked, the worse it got.
So I stop talking.
She's not talking.
I'm not talking.

Were in the same cube.
Its awkward.

The silence is thankfully broken when she smiles and says that its "Ok" that I haven't gone. That there is "No Pressure" and to just do what I am "Comfortable" with. Oh, and that the next lunch event in is 15 minutes in the conferense room right down the hall way.

With that said, she smiles and leaves.

So now she knows I'm here, right down the hall and I have this backpack she gave me. ...

This is were one of the longest internal battles I have ever had begins.
Which goes something like this.

I brought my lunch today. I dont want to waste my bomb ass lunch.
They offered free food. What if I dont like their food.
I shouldn't eat twice. How fat is that?
What if I have to talk to people? God, I hate people?
What if no one talks and there is just silence. That's even worse.
What if people talk to each other, but no one talks to me. Talk about a freshmen year flash back.
Gosh should I go?!?
Then there is this stupid back pack.
...

Crap.
I grab my water thermus (which all the cool kids have) and make my way to this stupid Lunch n'Learn thing.

It itsn't until I get there and sit down that I realize, I really shouldn't have come.
Flipping backpack tipped the scales.

As I sit at the table while all the other interns slam down pizza I realize after a few moments, that I am the only non-engineering one there. I am also the only one grossed out by the educational video's of surgery.

Something about watching a tumor getting removed off a kidney takes away my appetite for pizza.
idunno why.

In the end, I am grossed out, didn't talk to anyone, and have to pee because I was trapped in the room for like an hour and a half.

Moral of this story.

Don't be swayed by gifts. Even ones as cool as a back pack.