Off Stage Life

Its been months.

The Internship came to an end like all good things do and I have been back at school trying to get my learn on and absorb about $5000.00 dollars worth of education this semester. Being an intern is like a 'My stage Personality' ie.Playing my Part.

Being back at school is freeing in some weird way. I image its how actors and actresses feel when they go to the grocery store, or 711.

Silly famous people. Pretending to be normal.

This school terms started off on the awesome-ness foot with an accounting boot camp, which is like a boot camp, but for your brain (once again, only for the cool kids). The goal was to raise the grade average for my accounting class and to give the students a refresher on accounting principals and terms.

They succeeded in scaring the crap out of me.

The whole camp was more of like a list of 'Things I Don't Know'.

Then they took a now scary class and made it even more ominous by stating 'statistics' about the classes pass and fail rates.

1. If you took basic financial and managerial account more then 2 years ago, you are more likely to fail.
   - I took it three years ago...
2. If you took either accounting class at a Junior College you are more likely to fail
   - I took them both at a JC...
3. If you received a C in either class you are more likely to fail.
   - Ahhha! I got a B (in one of them). Suck on that statistics! 

So,  that class looked like it was going to be a bumping good time. Not.
To counter act the lack of fun I would have in Accounting I also signed up for 'Music Appreciation' which I had heard was a fun, easy class. The key being easy.

The semester is now almost over and I have taken two tests in both classes.
Accounting Grades: 97 and 100 %
Music Grades: 85 and 81%

WTF.

Based on the two points I have for both classes it looks like I am improving in Accounting and  slowly failing in Music. Which is awesome.

Aside from those classes and one really crappy exam in Finance (which is my major and my lowest test grade at this college) the semesters been going good.

Flash to right now. My freshmen neighbors are throwing a house party again. You can tell they are freshmen by their lack of concern for others, over enthusiasm for drinking, and by the fact they are trying to look cool outside when it is less then 30 degrees.

 So dumb. 

I, on the other hand, am trying to not be that bitchy neighbor that tells them to keep it down at 11:00 PM. The fact that I want to tell them to shut the hell up and put some flipping clothes on makes me realize how flipping old I am.
It makes me mad at their stupidity and youth.
Fucking freshmen. God I'm Old.

On the inside, not the outside of course.

If I feel this withered on the inside I can't even imagine how my parents must feel. Being that old would suck.
Will suck.

I can feel my control on my temper slipping. Would it really be bad to yell at them? Sure its a Saturday night but they are so loud. I can hear their individual conversations for goodness sake which makes everything even worse because they are so dumb. Teen age site com dumb. Barbie doll dumb. Secret life of a teenager dumb.

I pray I never sounded like that.

But yeah, that's about what I have going on tonight. I'll be sure to write it I do go all crazy on them, but I doubt it. That would require me to get out from under my heating blanket.

Night.

Lunch n'Learn

So since I have been interning here there have been these Lunch n'Learn events for all of the interns to get togther, eat, talk and well..learn.
I have never gone.

Its not because I am anti-social though some people would argue otherwise, its just that I hate having to fake care about other people.
I dont really care where other people go to school, or want to be when they grow up.
I dont expect people to care these things about me.

Anyways, today was one of these little events and the nice HR lady who plans them all manages to find my cubical in this tetris disaster of a layout.

So the first thing she does, is give me a present.
Sure it is just a backpack with the company name on it, but immediatly I am more receptive to whatever your going to say if you give me something.

Plus, its a tight backpack.

She then asks if I have recieved the emails about the other lunch events, because I haven't responded or gone to any of them in the past month alone. All 7 events.
This of course, makes me feel like crap.
Even crappier, because she gave me this fricking gift.

At this point I'm caught off guard and basically end up muttering something along the lines of, "...been busy...not a people person...nervous...idunno..."

Obviously the more I talked, the worse it got.
So I stop talking.
She's not talking.
I'm not talking.

Were in the same cube.
Its awkward.

The silence is thankfully broken when she smiles and says that its "Ok" that I haven't gone. That there is "No Pressure" and to just do what I am "Comfortable" with. Oh, and that the next lunch event in is 15 minutes in the conferense room right down the hall way.

With that said, she smiles and leaves.

So now she knows I'm here, right down the hall and I have this backpack she gave me. ...

This is were one of the longest internal battles I have ever had begins.
Which goes something like this.

I brought my lunch today. I dont want to waste my bomb ass lunch.
They offered free food. What if I dont like their food.
I shouldn't eat twice. How fat is that?
What if I have to talk to people? God, I hate people?
What if no one talks and there is just silence. That's even worse.
What if people talk to each other, but no one talks to me. Talk about a freshmen year flash back.
Gosh should I go?!?
Then there is this stupid back pack.
...

Crap.
I grab my water thermus (which all the cool kids have) and make my way to this stupid Lunch n'Learn thing.

It itsn't until I get there and sit down that I realize, I really shouldn't have come.
Flipping backpack tipped the scales.

As I sit at the table while all the other interns slam down pizza I realize after a few moments, that I am the only non-engineering one there. I am also the only one grossed out by the educational video's of surgery.

Something about watching a tumor getting removed off a kidney takes away my appetite for pizza.
idunno why.

In the end, I am grossed out, didn't talk to anyone, and have to pee because I was trapped in the room for like an hour and a half.

Moral of this story.

Don't be swayed by gifts. Even ones as cool as a back pack.

Working the 9 to 5

So I am sitting here in my cubical, basically watching the minutes of my life slowly tick by, and I was hit with this desire to write something. That, or go completely crazy.
There is something seriously depressing about being in a cubical. Until you have a cube of your own, words cant really describe the experience. Now this could be an overreactions due to that fact that I am a highly dramatic person, or, just maybe, I am just not jaded to this experience and actually see it for what it is.

 A beige box of death.

All I can say is that there is totally a reason why people in the corporate world go a bit coo-coo. Starring at these three point five little half walls is all the reason those people probably need.

That and the constant hum of the printer.
How much can a person print. If I was a printer I would be exhausted. Exhausted and Hungry for fresh ink and new paper.

The positive side of this experience is that once you leave, everything else in life seems so much more vibrant. Traffic is more entertaining. Well, for me at least. But that's because I sing in the car while I drive. 

But then again, what do I know, I am an intern.  A degree-less paper pusher.  I get your coffee, organize and file your papers, do some mild manual labor, and so on and so forth.

I'd like to consider myself a behind the scenes kind of girl. Doing the little stuff that makes the big picture so amazing. Then again, I could be wrong.

There are a few things I don't understand about cubically living, First, why is it that people think cubes offer them some sort of privacy?
You only have half a wall enclosing you. Not to be negative, with like the glass is half empty or full, but literally half.
People can hear everything that you are saying no matter how quietly you try to whisper it.
I can hear you.
I am hearing you right now.

Do I want to know these personal details of your life, such as doctors results, child care issues, or food allergies? No, not really.

But here I am. Absorbing your personal information that I don't think you know you are sharing and not just with me.
With everyone in a four cube radius.

This leads to my next question.

Why do people, only a few cube apart, call each other?
Then the people who are in between the people on the phone literally hear the entire conversation. From when you pick up the phone to when you say goodbye.

This can be an extremely awkward position for everyone whose cube is in the crossfire, if it is a hostile call.  A hushed voice hostile call, is still a hostile call.

And since there is once again, only a half wall separating me and the cube next door, I can literally feel the hostility. Which is awesome.

I feel a bit better now, so I am going to go back to interning.
Good bye web based freedom.

I will see you again soon.